Talking about love through “visiting girls”

Most of the Was establish their marriage through free courtship. They usually get married at about 20, and the husband is usually older than the wife. But young fellows and girls can begin to take part in social intercourse and entertaining activities for talking about love since 15 or 16. This kind of courtship activity is commonly called “visiting girls”.

“Visiting girls” is carried out by groups of people. Independent action is rare before the love relationship is formally determined. Men take the initiative all along in the activity.

Visiting is mainly done at night. It has no fixed site and is usually held in girl’s home. When the night has fallen, fellows and girls gather in 3 or 5. Young fellows go to girl’s home while playing three-stringed instrument and flute, where the girls are waiting for them. They all sing, dance and send tobacco and betel nut to one another. The men and women comb hair for one another, laugh and frolic, cast amorous glances and pour out their bosom feelings. After the fellow takes a fancy to some girl through visiting for many times, he will send some presents to her, such as bracelet, necklace, comb and scarf. If the girl doesn’t return the presents back in several days or a period of time, he can firmly believe that the girl only loves him and is willing to be his lover. Girls refuse nobody and accept all presents without caring who is the sender. Because they think that if more fellows send presents to them, it shows their conditions like appearance and moral quality are better and they feel more glorious. Girls’ parents will also feel happy and proud of their daughter if more people come to visit her. Presents will be returned back to the fellow soon if a girl doesn’t want to develop deeper relationship with a guy. Some fellow grabs away the girl’s adornments or scarf to indicate he is proposing marriage to her if he takes a fancy to some girl during visiting. At that moment, no matter the girl agrees or not, she will shout loudly and pretend to resist. If the girl doesn’t go to ask for her adornments, it shows that she has accepted the proposing.

The guy and the girl who have decided their love relationship will separate from the groups and begin to contact each other alone. And then the fellow begins to ask matchmaker to propose marriage formally, and they get engaged and married.